Can I just say something? Something about “all this time.”

​For some of us, a lot of us, there is no “all this time”.

My news feed. My email inbox. My well meaning relatives and friends keep reminding me of what I should be doing with “all this time”.

​Finding things to be grateful for.
Making memories.
Making time more simplistic.
Learning a new language.
Learning a new skill.
Taking an online class.
Cleaning the house.
Teaching kids life skills and baking and arts and crafts and pottery.

This pandemic has changed nearly everything. But it has not, I repeat, HAS NOT, added minutes to the day or days to the weeks.

So many normal things still have to be done.

Working. Cooking. Cleaning.

So many new things have to be done.

Teaching. Entertaining. Counseling. Extra trips to the store because you can’t ever get what you need in a single trip.
Washing hands, washing door handles. Wiping down phones. Wiping down keyboards. Wiping down wipes.
Worrying. Telling others not to worry. Worrying about your kids seeing you worry.

Conference calls. So many conference calls.

For some of us, there is no “all this time”. So as much as I hear you telling me I should be grateful, and thankful and making memories and speaking French, I just can’t.

Not right now. (Not ever on the French thing.)

If you’re out there, just trying to keep your head above water and feeling guilty because at the end of the day it feels like no progress was made but your body is dog tired, I’m with you.

I get you. I am you.

And hear me - we will get through this. We may not come out the other side with cleaner houses, smarter kids or new skills, but we will get through this.
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I am not minimizing the REAL battles many are fighting with losing income, being sick, having family members sick, or being on the front lines of fighting this thing. I always pray that by sharing my own struggles it helps other in the same situation feel less alone and that it never minimizes someone else’s, often much more challenging, situation.
(P.S. My kindergartener took the picture so that is some sort of life skill he can use at some point... )

Someone walking through a qualifying wrestling tournament the weekend before State, might assume the heartbreak happens in the finals, with kids battling for first and third place wins. I would argue they’re wrong.
On this week, heartbreak hour actually happens the round before. This is when you have kids who were almost there, almost safe, battling against kids who relentlessly fought their way through wrestle-backs to get a last shot, toeing the lines for a face off.

These kids, in this semi-final rounds, have the most on the line that day. One of them will win and move on to fight next weekend. One of them will not, and will go home until next season.
Today, we learned all about that heartbreak. Our oldest, who lost in overtime in the second round, fought his way all the way through wrestle-backs to get one more shot.

One more shot.

He stepped on the mat knowing a loss here meant the end of his season. And a win meant he was going to State.
He didn’t give it up easy. He fought on into five overtime periods, to come up just a little short with only seconds left on the clock.

The boy who won fought too. And he deserves his trip to State as much as anyone. But his win was our son’s loss.

And dang it - it sucks. We can’t fix it for him. We can’t take his hurt for him.

We can only walk with him, cry with him, and tell him how most people will never work hard enough to experience hard loss like this.

(He did go on to win his next match for a 5th place finish. Only the top four move on.)

A huge thanks to all of the amazing BPWC coaches, parents and wrestlers for another great season. We can’t wait to cheer on our club’s EIGHTEEN state qualifiers next weekend!

Well... we did it. We were in a hip little craft beer joint in Nashville, saw the Impossible burger on the menu, and ordered one.

Of course they wanted to send it out with a fresh baked bun, cheese and all the sauces.

But we passed on all of that so we could really get an idea what all the fuss was about. Here’s what we decided:

🌱 It is better with ranch. Matt jokes, “What vegetable isn’t?” (His jokes are getting worse the older he gets.)

🌱 It is fairly close, although not identical, in terms of appearance. The texture was a little off to me, but not as much as I assumed it would be.

🌱 It’s taste is OK, but we definitely didn’t fall into the category that is was the same as beef. It has a little bit of an odd after-taste but we also agreed a lot of that is probably disguised with buns, topping and sauce.

🌱 The smell is a little funky. Our waitress told us they really stink up the kitchen when they cook them. Again, that’s probably masked fairly well when it’s all dressed up.

🌱 It is not healthier. The Impossible burger is higher in fat, significantly higher in sodium, and short 7 grams of protein compared to lean ground beef. It does have some fiber (go plants!) that lean beef does not.

With all that in mind, we know a lot of the people that choose a plant-based burger do so because they’ve been told it’s a better choice for the environment. Unfortunately, that’s not true either.

Livestock are an important piece of a healthy, sustainable farming. Our cattle play a key role in maximizing our land efficiency, soil and water quality and cycling GHGs right here on our farm. (If you think they aren’t part of the natural ecosystem, don’t forget that millions of buffalo used to wander these lands.)

Agriculture as an entire industry only accounts for 8.4% of total US GHG emissions and we are well on our way to reducing that to less than 4% (USFRA, 2019). Livestock only make up a small portion of that.

Look, if you like this sort of thing - that’s awesome! We raise the grains that go into that plant patty too, so we are all about options. (We do however highly recommend you use ranch.)

But if you don’t like it - because of the taste, nutrition, price, or funky smell - that’s cool too. We get you. We are you.

Don’t let Hollywood, or Nancy next door, make you feel bad about that choice - because it’s actually a pretty solid one.

A lot of people write about young love or new love. Tonight, I had to write about our love - which isn’t young or new. But like a whiskey aging in a barrel, it’s only getting better.

“Are you two newlyweds?” She shouted at me, over the band.

“Newlyweds?” I must have raised an eyebrow.

“We’ve been watching you two. He doesn’t see anyone else in the room. We figured you were just married.”

I looked at him. He smiled - one of my favorite, whiskey-all-day smiles - and pulled me closer to finish our dance.

Newlyweds?

Oh no... when we were newlyweds I was a size 2. I was full of the confidence that comes from lack of living and certain we would never be more in love than we were right then, on our wedding night.

When we were newlyweds, that was well before he had seen me...

Seen me laughing so hard I spit coffee out all over my shirt. And crying so hard my whole body trembled with my tears.

Before he seen me transition from a careless, never-say-no to fun undergrad to someone that keeps a written planner and three calendars on her at all times.

It was before he seen me slim down to train for marathons and nearly double my body weight while growing his child (twice). It was definitely before he seen these stretch marks he swears he doesn’t notice.

It was before he’d seen me step up onto a stage to steal an audience, and watched me fall down onto the floor when it all has been too much.

He’s seen me sick. Fat. Thin. Ugly. Pretty. Strong. Weak. Happy. Angry. Sad. Scared.

Tired. Really tired. He probably sees me tired more than anything else...

But not this night. This night, hours away from home and the farm and real life we aren’t tired. We have rewound life for a single night, back to when our only care in the world was loving each other.

Back to when we were newlywed.

Only, now it’s better. Because we aren’t clueless, hopeful newlyweds praying this thing works.

The curtain is gone now.

Now, he definitely sees me. All of me. (Stretch marks included.)

And tonight, in this little bar crammed full of people, with a band playing all the right music, we aren’t kids, praying it works anymore.

Now, we know it does.

I answered her. “No, we’ve been married almost 11 years,” I said.

“To each other?” She laughed, shook her head and told us to have fun.

We did.

Here’s to love that ages like good spirits. 🥃

I spent the first few years of my adult life expecting my husband to manage all things financial.  Even though I was working and bringing in a regular paycheck, those responsibilities seemed (in my mind) to naturally fall to him.  It was a huge, and unfair burden I placed on him to carry alone. 

Several years ago I became frustrated with not understanding where all of our money was going.  I made the decision that I was going to step-up and get control of our household finances.

Looking back, I can easily say this is one of the greatest things I do for our family, farm and future. I now know exactly where our family spending goes and know that we are on track for our personal goals.  

Below I am sharing a tool I've created to use for our budget.  I do this twice a month, with each of my paychecks, and use this to manage our family living. (This is NOT a tool we use to manage farm income and expenses.)  

This isn't a fancy tool.  It's very basic.  For me, it's perfect.  For others, it may not work.  But in the case it has some value to someone, I've decided to share. 

​

I grew up with a family in the restaurant business and as a kid, loved everything about hanging out in our local, downtown business. So, when my husband climbed on board with the idea of running a small agritourism business on our farm, I jumped in. During that time, it’s become clear a few things people can do to support small-town businesses.


1. Shout the good out and whisper the bad in. This is the complete opposite of how we normally behave, and I am just as guilty as anyone. Think about the last time you had a bad meal in a restaurant. The server comes by and says, “How is everything?” Most people respond, “Fine.” Then, when they walk out, they literally tell everyone how awful the meal was… everyone except the one person who needs to know in order to change it – the business owner!


On the flip, when someone has a good experience, they will often rave to the business owner and then forget about it shortly after leaving. According to Andrew Thomas on Inc.com, a dissatisfied customer will tell 9 to 15 people. Only one out of every 10 satisfied customers will share about their experience.


So if you really want to see small town business succeed, change the way you communicate the good and bad. When something is wrong, quietly and politely let the business owner know. They can’t fix what they don’t know is broken. When something is good, be the one out of ten and tell your friends!


2. Stop in and hang. Atmosphere is so much of what makes a business work. When people see other people at a place, it silently communicates that place has value, that place is worth being at. When they walk into a place that’s dead quiet, it communicates something else altogether. Plus, a slow day is a HARD on a small-town business owner where every single dollar counts. Swing by and say hello. Hang out a minute. Buy a donut…


3. Try to avoid the big city comparisons. Our small-town business is an agritourism adventure, commonly known as a pumpkin patch. Last year we were over-the-moon excited when we hit our 1,000th visitor. It was literally the weekend before we closed for the season. Most businesses like ours are located near large population centers – or at least larger than the town of 4,000 and county of 10,000 that we call home. Many pumpkin patches will have a single Saturday attendance as large as our entire season attendance. As much as we want to be as awesome as “Big City Pumpkin Patch”, we cannot feasible do a lot of what they get to. Even if you tell us about six dozen times.


Instead of comparing small-town businesses to their big city counterparts, try to find the things that make small-town businesses unique – their super service, their quant, small-town feel, the fact that you’ll always know other people there, their great, up-close FREE parking, the amazing apple-cider donuts – and focus on those things!


Having grown up in a more suburban area, I can tell you – there’s a whole lot of value in small town businesses that the big city, or the internet, can never match. Find those things and appreciate them.


4. Share the love on social media.Small-town businesses run on tight – I mean TIGHT – operating budgets. Social media can often be one of the greatest tools a small-town business has to get the word out there about their products and services. Throw in the fact that a majority of American adults make buying decisions based off friend’s recommendations, your social media shout-out to a local business is HUGE!


Check in when you are at their location, tag them in your photos, and tell your friends about the great things you found or experience you had. Don’t forget – whisper the bad to the business owner to give them a chance to correct or explain. Posting negative things on social media first only makes a business owner feel bad and defensive. (Yes, business owners are people with feelings.)


Thomas says it takes FORTY positive customer reviews to undo the damage of a single negative review. Knowing that 88% of people read an online review before making a purchase decision, your social media love is priceless!


5. Vote with your dollars.At the end of the day, what will keep your small-town businesses alive comes right down to dollars and cents – literally. So go and visit and find something you just can’t live without (and then buy three)!

Matt and Kate would like to thank their own community for showing such amazing support over the last two years to this new farm tourism adventure. The lessons discussed above have been learned from the love shown to them by people in the community who are veterans at supporting small-town business with both their dollars and their influence. They are continually amazed at the efforts people will go through to help others get started – some of those people have already made two or more trips to the patch this year! ​

I’ve been hiding.
​

I have been doing these leadership and growth things. You know - those ones you’re supposed to do to get ready for all the other things you’re supposed to do.

Yea, those things.


I keep reading that, “because of my confidence and competence I need to be aware that I can intimidate those around me.”


Intimidate... those around me.


CRAP! I love the people around me. I don’t want to intimidate them. I don’t mean to intimidate them. I want them to like me because I like them.


And let’s be real, we all want to be liked. Not feared. Right?


So, that’s been hanging with me.


When I walk in a room, when I speak to an audience, when I speak up on a team.


“Careful Kate. Don’t speak to confidently. Don’t provide too much information. Act like you don’t know the answer. Pretend you don’t have any ideas. Don’t let anyone know you’ve spent hours researching to be ready for this. Don’t intimidate.”


Don’t intimidate.


Sunday morning, during a walk to check my pumpkins, I had a podcast playing. (God Centered Success with Mia Rene. Check it out, it’s good.)


She read a piece of scripture I’ve read a dozen times but never heard.


Sunday I heard.


Three men. Each, given a different gift from his master to manage. (In literal terms, bags of gold.)


Two, managed well and doubled their gifts. One, out of fear and not knowing his master’s heart, buried his gift until his master returned.


When his master returned, he responded to his fearful actions by calling him a “wicked and lazy servant.” (Matthew 25:26)


According to Matthew 25, Parable of the Talents, we are given unique gifts, “each according to his ability”. Those who use those gifts are called “good and faithful”.


Those who bury their gifts out of fear are called “wicked and lazy.”


The message rang loud and clear to me. Probably because I’ve been trying to bury my gifts out of fear.


But on Sunday I heard. I am to use those gifts. I am to use my own gifts for the works laid out before me.


And actually, so are you...


I’ll stop hiding now. And I’ll pray he guides me as I show back up and take my seat at the table. You can pray for me too.

​When I was a little girl, I thought I could do anything, because, as culture told me, I was just as smart, just as strong, just as capable as anyone - especially any man.

As it turns out, that’s actually a load of crap.

But I didn’t realize it right away. I graduated college and entered my career still believing it. I entered the room believing whatever I thought, whatever I had to say, was equally as relevant as anyone else in the room. To hell with wisdom and experience- I was equal and I knew it because I had been told so.

I can’t pinpoint exactly when, but at some point, something clicked. And suddenly I realized, I’m not equal. I’m not equally as smart, equally as strong or equally as capable.

Now, I consider it one of the greatest blessings of my professional life to daily be sitting at a table where everyone around me is more intelligent, stronger and more capable.

Even at home, I’m grateful everyday my husband is physically stronger, more mechanically inclined and more detailed oriented than me. (If he wasn’t we would be in a real mess.)

Now, I’ve got some things I bring to the table. I’ll bring more passion than anyone. Whatever I give up in smarts I’ll make up for in work. I’ve got a knack for envisioning solutions that are outside the box, executable and more-often than not successful. I can understand complex things and then communicate them in an elementary way.

I’m good at those things - really good, actually.

But... I’m not equal. To the men, or the women, who sit with me. Sometimes (like in passion) I’m a little bit more. Often times (like in the details, mental strength or just plain intelligence) I’m quite a bit less.

We were created differently and our Creator doesn’t make mistakes. We were intentionally made to be more in some, and less in others.

Maybe that design is to keep us humble, or to encourage relationship, or maybe to constantly remind us that we cannot function alone. (All things that we have to remember to truly be in relationship with Jesus.)

I get the equality movement - it’s valid and important. But I also know the dangers, firsthand, that mindset can play if we encourage everyone to see themselves as the same, instead of embrace the differences God intentionally created us with.

I have been more successful as a professional, a wife and a friend once I learned to embrace myself as different, not equal.

▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️

This is not meant to disparage the Women’s Equality movement. As a professional woman who has experienced some of the problem, I want to clearly state those issues are real, worthy of attention, and in need of correction.

However, some of the conversations I’ve seen in relation to today’s equality celebration, attempt to promote the same damaging idea that I fell victim to. I have been more successful as a professional, a wife and a friend once I learned to embrace myself as different, not equal.

Imposter syndrome: the persistent inability to believe that one's success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one's own efforts or skills.


I suffer. Some days a little. Some days a lot. Earlier this week I was having one of those days. I had an amazing opportunity and was surrounded by amazing people...


And felt like I didn’t deserve to be there. I didn’t belong and wasn’t qualified and at any moment everyone was likely to figure that out.


I was handling it by hiding behind my camera, staying back in the group, not taking a seat at the table.


I was doing well hiding right up until this guy, who happens to be the United States Secretary of Agriculture, quite literally pulled me out from behind my camera, from behind my group, and asked, “May I have my picture with you?”


Secretary Sonny - I know you likely do this a lot, it’s in your nature. But I want you to know that Tuesday morning when you did that to me you spoke much deeper to me in that moment than you’ll ever realize.


As you took a moment to visit with me about my career, my farm, and even tease me about being embarrassed, what you really said to this girl from Missouri who felt like she didn’t belong in our nation’s Capital City, was “It’s OK. Come up to the front. You can be here, you belong. You can talk and I will listen.”


Secretary, you have big, important things to do. And on behalf of all of us I’m so grateful you do. But in that small moment, you took your power and your position to pull someone else forward - to give someone else value.


And that Secretary, is the true definition of leadership.


I am forever thankful and will forever treasure this photo.


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