Uptown Girl
Christian. BoyMom. Farmer's Wife. Marathon Runner. Ag Professional. Bourbon Lover.
Advocate for all things agriculture and rural.
Advocate for all things agriculture and rural.
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I'm 400 miles from home, getting ready to walk into a church for a wedding, without my farmer. It's not the first, nor the last, event I'll attend without him at my side. It's harvest season, which means anything I do that isn't in the cab of a combine, likely doesn't involve him. It's been almost almost nine years ago since I said, "I do", and walking into another wedding has me thinking... If you're thinking about marrying a farmer, stop. You will think about an insane schedule, completely dictated by weather the seasons. And completely out of your control. Completely. You will picture interrupted dinners because someone showed up for a load of hay at an ungodly hour and interrupted weekend getaways because the cows are out. The cows always get out. You will think about being solo at everything from weddings to funerals, that is, if you can even go at all. You will think about making budgets and vacation plans based on the price of corn or cattle, knowing full whatever you plan won't be right. In fact, it won't just be your budget that won't go as planned. It will be everything. EVERYTHING. You see, marrying a farmer is full of risk. And thinking on it too long might let the risk overshadow a lot of things. Things like riding together in the combine at sunset, harvesting a crop you both poured your souls into. Or watching your child's face light up when a baby lamb stands for the first time. Or raising your children knowing that the value of hard work will be engrained so deep in them they won't ever know any different. Or being woke up at 1am by your farmer finally coming home - not from a night out on the town - but from a long day of working toward everything you both want. Or sitting on the porch together, watching the sun rise over the land, animals and children the Lord has entrusted you to care for. So if you're thinking about marrying a farmer, stop. Stop thinking and just do it! Because this crazy, dependent on the weather and price of grain lifestyle, is truly the greatest blessing in the world. Even if it means going to a wedding stag. (Besides, if your mom is anything like mine, she will always be your plus 1.) 
148 Comments
Dan Massey
9/30/2017 08:05:00 pm
I farmed for 30 years (20 on my own) best lifestyle around, just didn't have the nuts to pay the current going rate on cash rent, bought a quarter 21 years ago & folks didn't think I'd make it, made it, didn't have to quit, miss some things about it & some things not so much.No better place to raise kids that's for sure, kudos to all still feeding us! God Bless
Ryan Morehead
10/2/2017 07:34:43 am
Yes but i Raise bees such an amazing life to help feed people and help the farmer out with my little girls!!!
Anna
10/3/2017 08:32:07 am
I didn't marry a farmer but I turned him into one. He is doing an awesome job too!
ryan hare
10/5/2017 02:50:59 pm
You married a farmer? This is a given harvest
Karon Kelley Medlin
10/7/2017 09:31:57 am
I wasn't married to a farmer.
Maureen Burton-Thenstead
7/19/2018 06:02:30 pm
I would like to be marrried. I stay home all the time. My father had a farm when I was a little girl. I don’t date because I don’t go anywhere. Is there a farmer out there for me. You can call me at : (516)6063864. I am a great cook and I love gardening. I love children too. I am very humble. You can call me at the number I left in this note anytime. Just leave a message and I will call you back.
Jessica Ferguson
10/10/2018 06:57:13 am
Been engaged to my farmer for almost 6 years.... Yes we've been engaged this long. Just haven't the time to both be there to say our "I Do's"
Kalli
10/11/2018 10:32:36 pm
Just pick a date! I told my husband after we got engaged that there was just never going to be a good time of year to do it so we just had to do it! So we chose April 30th which happens to be the middle to end of calving season for us but I let him pick! He spent 2 hours in a tree the morning of our wedding after a mom cow calved and she was mad at him but in the end chores went by the wayside and we did it! Just start with picking a date :)
Mark Maliszewski
9/30/2017 09:34:16 pm
We are very much the same in our story and our outlook on the life we were "chosen" to do! Many people don't understand the feeling-the one in your heart that makes all of this right and meaningful and so gratifying. I would never change a thing about growing up being the person my parents and God wanted me to be. I wish more people would understand.
Kathy Zinn
10/1/2017 08:06:02 am
Yep alone most of the time. I have a cattle farmer and custom harvestor. People comment "Oh single again tonight all the time"
Sheila
10/1/2017 12:32:20 pm
Kind of comrs with the territory......better get used to it.
Cameron
10/3/2017 06:12:36 pm
:-), your doing awesome
Anne M Aamot
10/1/2017 08:19:50 am
Excellent read
Courtney foster
10/1/2017 09:31:49 am
"The cows always get out" 😂 #itstrue
Carol
10/1/2017 02:58:57 pm
Especially when you are running late anyway, or you are 200 miles from home
barb
10/14/2018 04:56:34 pm
Reminds me of the time we were going across Lake Michigan on a ferry and we got a call from our son that the cows were in the neighbors corn and we live in SD. This was the beginning of August When the corn was 12 ft tall.
Mbvogel
10/1/2017 08:33:08 pm
Especially if they get wind of plans to go somewhere, lol
Misti Kohart
10/3/2017 10:00:17 pm
We live next to a golf course (rural community) and our cows were always out....usually just after a nice soaking rain....on freshly mowed greens. Yep - golfers hate us! Lol!!
Dawn Woodburn
10/10/2018 09:51:09 pm
Who was there first! The golf course is on old farm land soo they should be thankful their course is so green natural fertilizer does the job! I feel so what the cows are there more fertilizer and it is free!
Phyllis Bruton
10/8/2018 09:58:36 pm
I grew up on a farm and found a man that wanted to farm but already had a career started with USDA. We have had cows, horses and other livestock and live in the country. He often has to make out of town business trips leaving me as head wrangler. Yes, the cows always get out and I can understand that they "sense" he is gone....But how does the water heater, washer, dryer, you name it, know he's out of town?????
Sue
10/1/2017 09:38:06 am
I'm a grain farmers wife and a truckers wife. It is tough. Find good girlfriends.
Ashley
10/1/2017 05:29:39 pm
I'm right there with ya!
Chantel
10/1/2017 10:43:44 pm
I am also a farmer and truck drivers wife. We have quarter horses, black angus and show pigs. Plus we farm 600 acres. It is a crazy hard life but I wouldn't change any of it.
Vicki
10/1/2017 11:16:19 am
I have tears in my eyes reading this. Happy tears and of course some sad ones also. My grandpa and dad were farmers, so I understand. We raised hogs, so with us, the pigs were always out! The man I married became a farmer for me, he must really love me! There's no other life like it and others sure don't understand why we do it. I wouldn't trade a minute of it for anything. It's my life. I'm proud to be a farmgirl!
Patty
10/1/2017 12:46:02 pm
Going on 44 years on the farm! It’s not easy, but it is a good life. Loved the article—so true!!!
Sandra Laubenthal
10/1/2017 12:46:17 pm
35yrs of marriage to my farmer. My first choice wasn't a farmer so it only lasted 3 years. I am carry passionate about farming but it almost came to an end in the 80ties and 90ties. I got an off farm job and we made it. 4 children and 11 grandchildren later, it has been a rollercoaster ride but wouldn't have changed it for anything.
Rebecca
10/1/2017 01:05:16 pm
Married a farmer 36 years ago. The one thing that you have to realize is that you are marrying the land also, he can't pick up and change locations like an accountant. The land stays where it is. I learned to drive combine and tractor so that I (and the children) were out there too. How many kids really know what there parents do for work.
Bex
10/1/2017 01:21:21 pm
I married a farmer... I'm from Detroit!. I totally embraced it and love it!
Robin
10/1/2017 02:03:44 pm
Seems to be very true for the older generation of farmers. My marriage to a farmer ended in divorce because he was married to his family over his own family. That's where his loyalties lie and he would say one thing to our family and something different to them. He also ran home to his parents and talked about any low points in our marriage, which caused a huge division between our family and his family. There was never a we. The family would whisper and discuss things secretly right in front of my son and me. My ex husband would get invited to eat at my inlaws and we were exlcluded. Very enmeshed. Very unhealthy and controlling. Very sad. My ex chose them over his son and me.
JC
10/1/2017 04:47:53 pm
Sounds like a moment or post for a different type of blog
Carol
10/2/2017 01:34:47 pm
I have been a farmers wife for 53 years. Farming as a way of life is not for everyone. As much as everyone wants to hear of total good reviews we have to be realistic and hear the negative also as it is out there. Jumping in with both feet without knowing the pros and cons is not the greatest advise as everyone's situation is different.
suzy
10/2/2017 04:09:54 pm
Sounds whiney & spoiled. Can see why they are divorced .
Leslie Jamieson
11/25/2023 04:00:54 pm
I’m reading this and appreciate the reality that farming is not always easy on a relationship and wonderful for the wife of a farmer.
Joanne Creager
10/2/2017 04:22:45 pm
I have been married to a farmer for 47 years. The first 13 were on the same farm as my In-laws.
Felicia Honeycutt
10/5/2017 10:13:02 am
OMG!! NOT MARRIED, THANK HIS JEALOUS MOMMA, ETC. Same D time.
jojo
10/5/2017 06:01:32 pm
I feel for you. There can be very complicated family dynamics. I moved into 'his family home and farm' and he and they all let me know that it would never really be mine or our kids. We could never change the kitchen that was terribly outdated because the floor was laid for his parent's 25th anniversary and we couldn't build a newer and more functional house because grandpa built it. Worked great in 1927, but not in our time. Only bathroom was in the basement down three flights of steps. Anyhow, a lot of farmers work hard during certain times of the year, but not so much at others and I learned the hard way that they will run off to the neighbor's farm supposedly to borrow parts or equipment, but they stay for hours just drinking beer and shooting the bull. Farmers don't want you to mention this kind of stuff, but that was my experience. There's the romantic notion of the hard working farmer man. Some are and PLENTY aren't. Farm wives keep up the myth, too. I suppose it's easier to stop crying over this stuff, face the music, and go it mostly alone. I don't regret my divorce. My sons don't want to farm either. All they saw was a workaholic with a lot of excuses. Funny thing is, I worked hard to get our farm products direct marketed, and people out to visit our farm, make a name for us. Anyhow, there's my long story. Glad it works for some people, though, but I would not do it again.
wfw
2/25/2018 07:37:08 am
Funny, just what I was looking for. There's the name calling. I was just wondering if I'm the only one who had this experience. Local folks are likely to prescribe to calling you spoiled. Yep no matter what you'd do you'd get whispered about. Always the outsider. Not because you didn't work hard or stand by him but because of his family. If you're an in-law you're out. It's not whiny. Believe me.
Phcky
9/6/2018 01:42:20 pm
My farmer was hiding from me:
Kristin
2/15/2018 12:54:05 pm
This totally resonates with me. Also, the idea of having priorities that compete with the farm or farm family is considered sacrilege!
wfw
2/25/2018 07:27:28 am
Just looking for other farm wives with similar experiences.
wfw
2/25/2018 08:56:03 am
I don't see any of my posts. Hoping to hear something. This was my experience exactly. I worked a "public" job to have insurance because what farmer doesn't need insurance? It was awesome insurance. Then he went and had dental procedure done and paid for it out of pocket. Family was prideful and exclusionary. If he'd been working hard away from them he was loving and considerate. After he'd been around them, always while I worked, he'd almost be abusive.
Joan
10/1/2017 02:27:11 pm
I was a city girl who married a farmer 54 years ago. Thank God after 26 years we moved off the farm. I like your comment, "If you are thinking about marrying a farmer, STOP". The day I closed the door to that farmhouse, I never looked back. Great place kids is the only good thing I can say.
JC
10/1/2017 04:49:31 pm
You get out of it, what you put into it.
Mary Barfield
10/1/2017 04:59:17 pm
You don't get out what you put in when you farm. 12 hour days 7 days reduced to nothing when you have rain, hail, drought, a market that fluctuates on a moments notice or you have to leave your crop in the field because it vista mire to harvest than you can sell for.
Marilyn
10/1/2017 10:57:26 pm
I'm with Mary below.
Marie
10/2/2017 07:25:54 am
I think what JC means by "you get out of it, what you put into it" is your attitude towards the farm and the lifestyle, not the actual market and crop.
Cof
10/1/2017 06:17:37 pm
Should have stuck around for a bit. Land is selling for more than 14,000 an acre. Just a thought
Joel
10/1/2017 02:49:58 pm
The crop doesn't own me. It needs to be taken care of timely but if I want to make time for weddings, funerals, family events, etc., I can and do. Stop using the work as a 24/7 excuse to get out of having to do off farm things. The work will always be there and usually gets done. Will you really trade a few more hours of combining over and over again instead of seeing your niece get married or the funeral of your wife's cousin? Spouses don't need to accept that farm works always rules over.....your life
Jenn
10/1/2017 04:40:44 pm
Bravo Joel! You have a wonderful understanding of balance.
Amy
10/1/2017 04:55:55 pm
I admire you, Joel!
Leah Thoreson
10/1/2017 06:52:22 pm
Amen to that...more as an excuse. Work is always there. Time and memories you miss on your kidd, families and friends are not. Time you're never going to get back.
Cjoy
10/1/2017 08:54:19 pm
Well said, Joel
Kelly
10/2/2017 08:11:36 am
I so agree with you Joel...thanks for your comment.I was a big city girl,married for 20 yrs.moved to a small town.Divorced....then met a FARMER...married.Now on the arm for 17 yrs.Absolutely the BEST life.My husband has pigs & 500 acres of cash crop,he does all on his own with a bit of help by me....he also volunteers in so many activities & you are right.The work will always be there,sure there is some things you absolutely can not get to but yes, don't let the farm control/rule you over life.Me & our kids are so lucky to have this GREAT patient Farmer/Farming Life <3
Kim Hendley
10/2/2017 11:26:51 am
But,it does! This article is on point! I am a farmers daughter and a farmer's wife. I go to a lot of events alone. You have to be able to be self sufficient as a farmers wife. It is exactly like a phrase I made up,being a farmer's wife means you are independently married.
Lee
11/15/2018 09:15:31 am
Bingo! "Independently married"! You hit the nail on the head.
Linda
10/2/2017 02:30:33 pm
Totally agree!!!! Family functions should always come 1st!!!!!
Lynne
10/2/2017 02:31:05 pm
Joel, not only do I agree, but so does my 5th generation farmer husband. He saw his dad, grandpa & even great-grandpa work till death. Missed kids' activities, vacations, etc. Said other people dont work themselves to death & there is more to life than working. We do balance things....there are simply some months we CANNOT go anywhere (corn planting, wheat harvest, corn harvest, etc). But then we make up for it during other times, traveling with our kids, even internationally, in the winters. If you work yourself to the bone, you think your kids want to come home & farm? Need to show them the beauty as well as the hard work.
Janet
10/2/2017 06:46:42 pm
I agree with Joel!! One advantage of farming is the fact that you are your own boss. MOST of the time a few hours isn't going to make a lot of difference. Yes, we lost a couple of loads of beans when we went to see a child march in the Purdue Band one week end, but that doesn't come around very often, especially when you live so far away, but plans were made and I wouldn't trade that weekend for anything. You just have to work a little harder next week if it doesn't rain.
JC
10/3/2017 01:43:46 pm
Joel your comment is bang on. And if you can’t make the commitment because your farm gets in the way - then downsize or hire.
Rebecca
10/3/2017 02:01:42 pm
I’m a farmer my husband helps me because he owns his own business...but I agree with you 100% I have 4 kids been in farming my whole life and I still make time to be at school functions,ball games, weddings, cook outs with friends because you can’t remake those memories... my crops are always on time and well taken care of but I balance my time for my kids...may mean I work Saturday while they are all off with friends but I can guarantee you I’ll be at that baseball/softball game that day...we may cut our tractors of multiple times a day but we are where we need to be when we need to be there...we don’t take on more than we can handle...our cows get out at night or while we are on vacation, hurricanes come through and our first concern has to be the cattle after the family but it’s the job I chose not my kids...yes they work on the farm but they also have fun being little...
Kathy
10/5/2017 09:42:57 am
Joel,
Deb
10/6/2017 06:19:47 pm
Well said. Every machine has an off switch. Thank you Joel for bringing up the choices farmers have if they choose to have “Happy Life Happy Wife”. I came from a farm family and like you, my dad attended important family events and put work on hold. Being raised that way, I married into a farm family and later realized my father in law ruled and was a workaholic. His sons worked until the work was done regardless of family events or holidays. We’ve been married 46 years but that work ethic has been instilled in my husband and for this reason, our sons DO NOT farm for a living. They help from time to time but I wanted them to have a life with family time. I tried to reason with my husband’s family early on but nothing ever changed. Farm life isn’t for me.
Ashley
10/1/2017 05:31:13 pm
👍
Patti
10/1/2017 02:59:37 pm
I started dating my farmer then married him 22 years ago. What we gave up in "family" time, has always been made up in other areas of our lives. Yes i support his career as he does mine, knowing we both have things that need to be done. Yes we schedule things around planting, hay season, and bd harvest, but it is a way of life, that many do not understand
Jj
10/1/2017 06:41:10 pm
Mom? Lol. I’m so proud to say that I was raised on a farm. I always saw the hard work that my parents and family put into everything. I’m not married but being a kid raised on a farm made me the strong hard working woman that I am today and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
R Gann
10/1/2017 03:23:57 pm
I grew up on a farm and we had the same schedule and challenges, and I treasure my childhood on that farm. I married an oil field worker and he was on call 24/7, so we had our challenges also, but after a bust those interruptions in our plans did not seem so bad.
Greg Rogers
10/1/2017 03:40:32 pm
I stumbled on your site as a link from a Facebook friend. I'll be a regular visitor. ;D
Casey
10/1/2017 03:48:04 pm
YES! My girls are used to Dad not being at every ball game, every church service or every event. They have learned that Dad gets to as much as he can, and will also work his tail off! Anything can happen at any time. They are learning patience, that the world does not revolve around them, and that family time does not mean vacations. It is a hard life, and many times disappointing, but one where they have learned about hard work, dedication, perseverance, and faith. I have lived this life for almost 19 years, and look forward to each day
Leanna
10/1/2017 03:48:22 pm
Also truck!
Chris
10/1/2017 04:17:56 pm
Being a farmer is hard work I agree for that first 2 weeks in spring planting and maintained machenery with should be done in November since they have pretty much 0 months off since they touch the soil probably 2 times in between planting and harvest! Since they spray everything full of chemical so they don't have to work a 8 to 6 job everyday but I enjoyed the read you standing by a brand new 50000 dollar pickup witch is a write off and all the risk for real?? Gov help insurance really??
Sharon Czarnick
10/1/2017 05:42:43 pm
Whoa, where do you get your info about farming from?
Tara
10/1/2017 08:04:23 pm
What is wrong with you
Ellen
10/2/2017 02:11:38 pm
You have no idea what farming entails, obviously.
Steph
10/3/2017 06:10:57 pm
Sorry to hear that you know absolutely nothing about farming!
Kathy
10/5/2017 09:45:53 am
Chris
M James Walt
10/8/2017 12:29:16 am
Chris, you spout pure ignorance. I'm not a farmer nor have any interest in ever being one...and while, I do come from a long line of generational farmers on both the maternal and paternal sides of my family, what I really laughed at was your ignorance about "write offs". What is it with unsuccessful, uneducated people that have such a hang up with what their pea sized little brains have mystified as this esoteric concept of "write offs"?!?!? People who've never been self-employed or owned a business or generated any sort of self made income are so off base in this odd fascination with "write offs" somehow being this grand thing that is somehow a big loop hole that "only the rich" get. What do you actually think a write-off literally is? It's not that big of a deal. It's simply an expense item (meaning a line item not an actual item...could be totally intangible) that can be claimed to have been incurred in the pursuit of income...i.e related to the business or self-employed activity for which the person is filing a tax return. If it's a legally categorized business expense then it simply means the entity for which the tax return is being filed can reduce their annual income by that amount of that expense item. Why the hang-up with that? Why should an entity have to pay tax on more income than they actually make? It's called income tax and income a function of revenue minus expenses. I've heard countless loud mouth "know it alls" (when actually there small little men w/ fragile egos and an insecurity about their own ignorance) go on and on about this mystical mistaken concept of "write-offs" being this big esoteric thing that only the rich benefit from. Wow nothing could be more stupid in terms of a line of thinking.
Duane
10/1/2017 04:44:27 pm
I wouldn't have married a lady that didn't have the same values and take the same pride in farming as I did. It was hard work but no job in this world can take it's place. God Bless the farmers! 10/1/2017 05:28:22 pm
I am not currently farming. But I did farm for 25 years I raised two wonderful children. As a result of a farming background my daughter became a veterinarian. My son became an engineer . I am going to dedicate this post to my late wife. She stood beside me all those late nights and early mornings milking the cows. She never complained because she knew it was the love of my life. That is why we are farmers. It's not an occupation it's a way of life. I have no regrets of being a farmer.
Carolyn schmit
10/1/2017 05:39:56 pm
It is not only farmers wives that have to go to events alone. We didn't own land but we had a filling station, delivering fuel, fixing tires etc for farmers. You put first what is necessary. This time of year many offerings up is necessary to complete the harvest.
Kerri
10/1/2017 06:29:24 pm
Have been married to my farmer for over twenty years. We milk cows, raise crops and alfalfa, plus have stock cows. My husband is frequently absent from things but he also has adjusted for the multitude of activities our 7 children are in. Farming is a wonderful combination of sacrifice and freedom. Our children learn how to work for what they want and to have patience and to be good stewards. It's not the life for everyone but I would never ask him to leave the farm. It's not just what he does and how he lives...it's who he is.
Keith
10/4/2018 08:18:17 pm
Interesting story
Bob Hop
10/1/2017 07:06:29 pm
I'm from Iowa. Have farmer friends that work about 2 months of the year. Planting and the harvest. That's it. Lots of time for fishing. The investment in equipment now days is scary, but it certainly ain't farming like it was in the good old days. Stay away from milking and livestock and it's a pretty nice job.
Tara
10/1/2017 08:07:54 pm
What kind of farm do your friends have?? My husband works his ass off 12 months a year, 12 plus hours a day.
Chris
10/2/2017 07:07:05 am
For those of us getting started into farming without land and equipment given to us, you have to use livestock for extra income or you can't make it when land prices are 8k an acre and up.
Lynne
10/2/2017 02:34:31 pm
Bob, I'd like to know what kind of crop your friends prepare, plan, fertilize, plant, cultivate, irrigate, and harvest is 2 months!?! We do have about 3 months off, when hubby is knee deep in accounting sheets, paperwork, and marketing education.
Dee Ann
10/4/2017 09:02:13 am
Wow, I'd like to meet this farmer and find out his secrets to managing a successful farming operation while working only two months a year! He should hold classes and give lessons!
MS
10/1/2017 07:53:18 pm
Not married, but grew up on a farm and worked farm with Dad & Brother in addition to teaching. I understood missing events. Best life
Nicole
10/1/2017 08:32:11 pm
I grew up on a large dairy farm, had range cattle, pigs and chickens as well crop land. My life on the farm included early mornings, making my brothers beds, helping do chores , cook and clean the house, working in a garden that felt like an acre of vegetables, to listening to the stress of weather changes and hail storms.
Donna
10/1/2017 08:39:41 pm
I was married to a farmer for 37 years, raised 6 great children was the best years of my life. He was a great teacher for all of us, taught the kids how to work and do their best. Weather is the big factor of a farmer's life, and teaches to get done what needs to be, in the time one gets. I read in a Farm Journal many years ago, that there was a study made about who farmer's wives were, city girls or farm girls. It came out as city girls came out as who farmers wives were, mostly, because farm girls knew what they would be getting in to. I was a city girl, but had relatives who were farmers. I wouldn't have changed a thing. Thank you farmers for all your hard work.
marcia palzkill
10/1/2017 09:01:33 pm
The good very much outweighs the bad. I am so glad I am a farmers wife. Greatest place in the world to raise a family.
Sue Burton,
10/1/2017 10:52:16 pm
At least with a farmer, they're at home every night. I married a railroader, who was gone half the month. Talk about missing things. Now he's retired and helping a farmer during harvest. Go figure.
Donna
10/2/2017 08:08:57 am
many look at the land, animals, and make remarks, OH, what a wonderful life, and look at all those $$$$$$.What they dont see, is the LONG hours, in bad weather, below zero temps,, freezing rain, hail storms, that damage or take your crops, or drought that dont give you the crops or hay, you need to come out ahead for the year. BUT, we pull up our boot straps, reorganize our situations, Pray for a good loan officer, cut back on anything that is not deemed a necessity, and spend less at every corner possible. Because we do the very best we can, with what we have.. Life is good, and could always be so much worse, when you look around at other places to live. we have been married for 50 yrs, I grew up on a dairy farm, then married a beef cow producer/ so calving season, Haying, and weaning times include the whole family, and all our grown children, along with grandchildren, have a love for the ranch, and know that this is the place they can come to visit, Yes, sometimes a person has to go solo to events, but We do what works for us and not anyone else.. Still the best place to raise a family, teaches them all responsibility, character, and love of the land. we are a 4th generation, so grampa would be very proud.
Teri
10/2/2017 11:11:21 am
Well...if you are anything like this "farmwife". ...probably a good number if your dates before marriage were in a cab-tractor, combine, truck.... so you think you know what you are getting. But really it is so much more. I get to work everyday alongside my husband. Which I am eternally grateful for all the things we get to share.
Roger
10/2/2017 11:51:43 am
Totally true. Great read. I am truly emotional as I read this. Our farm is completely grain and hay now. My wife and I now farm with just our son, and love being together and growing together on the farm. We lost our 3 daughters in a farming accident 2 falls ago coming up on October 13, but still love our lifestyle. Those not living and making their living on the farm will never understand how we feel. It's in our blood and our very being. We miss our girls every day, but also see them every day in everything we do on the farm. Also, it's a lot easier to understand Godly principles, and live those out, when you farm.
Janet
10/2/2017 08:13:39 pm
Roger and family, So Sorry. I can't imagine. Yes, it is a very dangerous job. May they rest in peace.
Ann
10/2/2017 02:22:36 pm
Great article... can't tell you how many times I had to bring the cows and steers back home or the funny look on my new neighbor's faces as the cows followed me and the feed bucket in their line through the hay field and back to the barn.
Dee
10/2/2017 02:44:48 pm
Love your way of writing and seeing both sides of life.
Becky Zimmer
10/2/2017 03:59:47 pm
Farmers daughter and would not have changed it for the world. Dad made the time when he could and if he couldn't, we understood even though we were disappointed.
Rebecka Page Wright
10/2/2017 04:46:38 pm
We're almost 3 generations of being dairy man my dad my grandpa and my great grandpa , we sold dairy cows in 2001 when I was 11 now we are ranchers(i've been raised in the country) I work in a feed store for a while then I met Chance in 2012
Linda
10/2/2017 09:18:08 pm
I was a farmer's daughter and swore I'd never marry a farmer. Well, guess what, I did. We have had a greenhouse house business.
Adam
10/3/2017 01:15:09 am
I'm sorry, but if you can't take the heat, get out of the fire; you have only been around assholes, it's a hard life, but only an inconsiderate asshole would pull that shit
Debra
10/3/2017 09:29:48 am
My dad was a farmer, so I understand his hard work. But I'll tell you I seen him more than my kids see their dad. He's a railroader. The hours are ridiculous. Farming is definitely harder and is a crap shoot with mother nature some days, but I'm still a proud farmers daughter.
Shaun
10/3/2017 09:58:05 am
Doesn't milk and food come from Walmart? Who needs farmers anyway.
Jim
10/3/2017 10:29:59 am
All jobs have an up and down side. Mine, I work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week, 52 weeks a year with little vacation time. I am the owner of an auto shop. I ofter wonder when I see a farmer working in the field what does he do in the winter? We all have the ability to make our own choices, God bless America!
Jill
10/3/2017 11:42:38 am
My late husband worked at a grain elevator and my soon to be second husband is a farmer so luckily I’ve been trained since day one to deal with harvest and doing things on my own... the second time around my kids are all grown so it should be a bit easier...I think the worst part was doing all the things the five kids needed done all alone but we survived. 😊
Cheryl
10/3/2017 12:57:53 pm
Exactly! My wedding even had to be planned around mint harvest. It's a hard life, but so good.
Mandy
10/3/2017 01:09:41 pm
Farmer's daughter and farmer's wife. I decided to stay home and raise our last child instead of working outside the farm. I miss a paycheck but the time I get to spend with my husband whether driving a combine or hauling grain can never be replaced. I haven't had a vacation in years. Yes, I wish we could get away more than we do. We have a large poultry farm and row crop 1000 acres. I admire my husband for working as hard as he does. Happiness is in the eye of the beholder! We all make the best of life on this farm.
kelly
10/3/2017 03:22:16 pm
I will be married to my farmer 9 years next month. I would not change it, ever! It is crazy, but worth it. Thank you for sharing. God bless all the farmers. I was married to one for 5 years. I spent a lot of time alone because I wasn't allowed to go anywhere while he was farming. I wasn't supposed to even want to. I was to stay home and wait with his meals til he made it home. Later, I found out I was really supposed to ride the tractor with him as much as I could. So glad to hear all farmers are not that way. You are appreciated!
Wanda
10/3/2017 09:37:43 pm
I spent over 40 years with my farmer. Going Stag to events, and NEVER knowing for sure that a holiday would happen. He died nearly three years ago. I still live on the farm. I hate going to events stag, because now, he isn't there when I get home. I miss him so much. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone this much. My farmer, this life, totally worth it. Totally.
Josh
10/4/2017 10:18:14 am
Are you kidding me?? I'm from a family of truckers. We're gone WEEKS at a time. You get to sleep beside your farmer every night if not most. If something serious happens you know he'll drop what he's doing and run to you. I can't do that when I'm on a 2 week run and am 2000 miles away. Your complaining us an insult to my family who has made it work with trucking and you can't even handle being a farmers wife!? Try being a truckers wife. You obviously aren't strong enough and are too needy. I'm glad my wife is stronger. I'm glad my mother is strong too. She's done it 30 years. You've only done 9?... and he's a farmer. Always within a couple hours of you.... stop whining and love your husband for everything he is and does to feed your family.
Dee Dove
10/10/2017 09:02:06 am
I think, in my opinion,this was meant to be satire, a parody. It's not a contest of "who has it worse." Many professions make sacrifices in order to support their family. I've lived on a farm my all of my 57 years and wouldn't want to live anywhere else, but I'm certainly thankful for the dedication of truckers who work very hard to provide us with the things we use to sustain our daily life, but that doesn't diminish the sacrifices that others make as well. I think we all need to respect each other and be empathetic to each other. Again, speaking only for myself, in my humble opinion only, it doesn't seem like she meant to complain, just use a little ironic humor.
Jim
10/10/2017 10:28:51 am
Josh, I think you need to pump your brakes and calm down! (Yes Pun intended) This was not a comparing and trying to get sympathy article. She was just talking about the life and lifestyle she loves and has to sacrifice for. I'm a pipeliner so my wife deals with ALOT of weeks alone, but we both also grew up farming so we understand the sacrifices it takes to do what you love. I think everybody does, I guess if this article offends you and brings out your insecurities then...write one about the hardships of trucking. I'm sure people would agree....and some argue as you just did.
Sabrina Freeman
10/4/2017 10:35:26 am
I am sorry but i don't agree with this article at all
Joy Barber
10/4/2017 02:31:16 pm
People calm down - this was satire. She was merely poking fun at her lifestyle. Gosh, people are far too quick to judge and criticize- ease up!
Fred N
10/6/2017 07:38:36 am
Indeed, this is satire. It's not a contest for the hardest
Erika Knott
10/4/2017 04:14:27 pm
I was just wondering if you'd still advise someone to marry a farmer who doesn't drive a ford?
Dee Dove
10/10/2017 09:07:25 am
For the peace and harmony of all concerned, I wouldn't recommend it! (My husband and his family are born with blue oval emblems on their foreheads.)
Pat Jorgensen
10/4/2017 05:26:51 pm
Like this article. Been married to my 'farmer' 56 years.
Diets
10/5/2017 12:24:57 pm
Spent the first 20 odd years of my life on a farm. My dad, a farmer, did not miss any of my sports matches growing up, took us on holidays, spent time with us on and off the farm. It is all a matter of choice and priorities where you spend your time. Many professions can become "all consuming", you have set boundaries and consider the needs and desires of those around you. Can't wait to get back onto a farm.
Senior
10/5/2017 10:58:11 pm
Nice to read comments from others in farming. I am a widow and my husband farmed for 50 years. I worked outside the home and kept the farm books, filed taxes, etc. We raised 4 children, all received their college degree and got jobs off the farm. It is a great place to raise your family.
Connie
10/6/2017 11:11:04 pm
The farm is the greatest place to raise a family, plus animals, they learn about life
Barb
10/7/2017 09:19:58 pm
Really relate to your life. Farmer no, Emergency Responder. Lonely many times but always proud!
M. James Walt
10/8/2017 12:32:19 am
Where's my post?
Terri
10/13/2017 10:22:36 pm
Oh, that's a tough one. I am married to a farmer. And he did just come in at 1:30am two nights ago. I so much love my county life. Harvest time I am a farmers widow. I can be so very hard at times. The worst time is when something goes wrong at home. Or when some passes away and you don't have him there to hold you when you're crying. But watching your kids grow up in a place like this is wonderful. We have two daughters. When our youngest one was getting married I said, "Are you sure you want to marry a farm?" Well she did and is raising her children the same way. We are very proud to be a farming family. Not to many other jobs you can ride around with your husband any time you feel like it.
Chenel
11/21/2017 12:58:20 pm
I am 24 and single I would gladly marrie a farmer, they are gentleman and looks not just after there family but with the help of God provides food to our land
Kristin
2/15/2018 12:42:19 pm
I'm glad not everyone on here romanticizes farm life. I have been married to a farmer for three years. Although I earn more money than he does, his career is somehow more important than mine. Likewise, his family is more important than my family. I commute 2.5 hours per day for my job because he has claimed he will fail at farming if he doesn't live in the family farmhouse. I have a difficult time accepting this is the true reality of farm life or more of the patriarchal tradition. My recommendation to anyone contemplating this life is to think loooooooooong and hard about whether your farming spouse actually sees you as an equal in your partnership or instead holds a romanticized version of a life where his spouse cooks and cleans and manages to pay all of the bills too.
wfw
2/25/2018 07:42:08 am
Perfect. He has to obviously and overtly, value your contribution.
Dawud
8/16/2018 08:43:34 am
Wow! Just wow! I have thought about becoming a farmer myself, so I searched "I hate being a farmer" for a cynic's perspective. Your line about risk overshadowing things really got me and I love it! I wish you and all your family success.
Vickie Conlon
10/4/2018 10:15:25 pm
I was married to a farmer for 25 years. So many lonely days and nights, raising two children, one with disabilities. It was tough, very tough but we had some really great times in the tractor, combine, rock picking, walking beans, taking meals to the men, and great sunsets. I miss it so much, I really do. We also lived 10 miles from where we farmed so this time of year I did so much with my kids in the evening. Miss it
Jan
10/10/2018 07:13:24 am
Love this...
Glenda
10/11/2018 08:34:13 am
I love this. My father-in-law was a full time farmer and my husband was a County Extension Agent and part-time farmer, so I know about having to take your children to ball practices and games without your spouse.
Rowan Camp
10/12/2018 11:15:30 am
Farming is the best way of life The rewards are worth everything!!
Calle
10/25/2018 02:53:03 pm
I just started dating a farmer that I met online a few weeks ago (what does that say). He came to the city to meet me and spent 2 days. I swear I have never seen a man sleep so hard for 10 straight hours! He said the city wore him out. And he missed his fresh air. Amen to that. Anyway, I've been reading up on what to expect and how to understand his lifestyle. My daddy grew up on a farm, so I have love for it, but I admire you all and love reading all these inputs - the good and the bad. My Farmer has a mom and a sister who seem real nice and I'm not scared yet. I'll be coming back here again.
Kitka
4/14/2019 09:58:18 pm
I did not marry a farmer.. my husband did ;-) ♡
S
6/25/2021 12:01:03 am
I am an engineer and I married a farmer. I love him dearly, I admire him for his hard work and dedication, and I want the best for him. I don’t think farming is for everyone; many careers in society support a family and leisure time as well while still instilling a deep work ethic and providing opportunities to care for animals and enjoy the outdoors. I’m writing tonight out of discouragement because my husband and I will be pursuing divorce. I don’t want to take anything from him so I am giving him our house (which I’ve mostly paid for) and 90% of our savings, and I’ll try to pay him alimony if he needs it. I absolutely refuse to take anything of his farm assets because he has worked so hard to earn them. There is something to be said about in-laws on family farms. I simply do not want to know mine anymore, and because family is important to me, I no longer see a future with my husband. He has essentially acted as an indentured servant to his parents in hopes that they will recognize his dedication for the past 10 years. We held off on having kids, and I took on multiple jobs so we could afford to buy a home even as he worked to pay his parents for a multimillion dollar asset. We were not allowed to buy the farmhouse because his mom wants it to go to his youngest sister (a blessing, I think, because no one in the family would ever allow me to redecorate the house to my tastes). We are also not allowed to buy the land. But, here we are, a decade of my husband’s dedication, and his parents insist the farm needs to be given to all 4 kids. Two of the kids aren’t even on the farm to earn it with my husband. Of the sister who works on the farm, she tops out at 40 hrs a week, was given additional financial support by her parents when she had her kid (this despite my father-in-law telling me there’s no room for the farm to support a family), and gets paid more than my husband. He is not a drinker or tobacco chewer and he really doesn’t shoot the shit too often. But I think he trusted that his parents would value his dedication, and allow him to purchase the farm someday. I write because my heart is broken most for my husband, and it was no small sacrifice to put off having children until we could support a family of our own…. Something that deeply and painfully affected me because I thought the farm life was all about being able to raise your children with instilled core values, and to partner deeply with your spouse. I can no longer stand to be in the same room as my in-laws, and I think my husband’s future is better spent on a woman his parents will respect in the farming community. I don’t think everyone is cut out for the farm life, speaking as someone who failed to belong, and knowing all I had wanted was a life and family of our own. There are some legitimate commentaries in Successful Farming and Hoards Dairymen around the treatment of in-laws and non-family employees. (To be clear, I am only an in-law in this situation, not an employee). It would be unfair not to give “outsiders” a heads up that they may never truly be accepted by the bloodline family; I had thought it might change over time, and it did not, despite my dedication, sacrifice, and financial support. There is a significant financial risk to farms if divorce happens and the business is not well protected. My husband was kind enough not to make me sign a pre-nup and went to bat for me to his parents when we got married; I have resolved to take nothing from him, even after supporting him as much as I have for a decade, because he IS a good man in an impossible situation with his very own family. And I still love him, so I am supportive of the fact he is able to do what he loves: farm. But people should be aware family relationships greatly impact the business of farming, and farmers may have irreconcilable differences in their own family which directly impact their personal future with their spouse in a way that is not experienced in other lifestyles.
Keith Patterson
6/28/2021 09:56:19 pm
S. Sorry things didn't workout for you. It's tough being a family farm and dividing it fairly. Especially as you mentioned some family have nothing to do with the farm. My wife left me for someone else after 17yrs. My family treated her like family A woman working or just out with you on the farm is great though. My ex did in the beginning but got bored I guess n FB helped her find a classmate to run off with. They're hard to find but I'll keep looking. Good luck to you too.
VANIA ANGELOVA
11/26/2021 10:38:55 am
HELLO,DEAR FARMERS WHO LOVE THE LORD!!!!!
Emily Gloeggler
4/20/2022 12:27:38 pm
Honestly, there are some things here you omitted. You stated -
Rose Mary
8/8/2022 10:08:25 am
Baloney all.
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Uptown GirlKate Lambert grew up in northern Illinois, not on a farm but active in FFA and showing livestock. 
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